If there’s one thing WAGs are good for it’s looking good. All t*ts and handbags a’ flailing, they brighten up gossip columns and low-grade magazines for our perusal. But for every Peter Crouch, punching well above his admittedly meager weight (see right), there are those who are clearly not putting their money and fame to good use.

Gary Neville

Ok, so you’re Gary Neville. With a face and personality like that you’d be happy get whatever you can, right? Wrong. Look around Gary, you don’t have to marry a buck-toothed trollope. Take a leaf out of Phil’s book.     

Rio Ferdinand

Other a flailing upper-lip, Rio’s a fairly good looking guy. He earns a lot of money and captained his club to domestic, European and World championships last year. There’s absolutely no need for him to be married to the dowdy little chubster that is Rebecca Lorenz.         

Sol Cambell

Sol has done little to quell certain rumours by dating a succession of unattractive women. His old flame, Kelly Hoppen, was 10 years his senior and she hadn’t aged well. Current girlfriend, Fiona Barratt, may only be 27 but she also lacks a certain aesthetic allure. 

Thierry Henry

Thierry Henry is a handsome man, and for two or three years he was perhaps the best footballer in the world. Therefore you’d expect him to have an attractive wife. But no, Thierry used his good looks and success to woo Claire Merry, who took him to the cleaners in a messy divorce settlement last year.   

Frank Lampard

If I earned £155,000-a-week there’s no telling what I’d do. Actually, there’s one thing I can tell you: I wouldn’t be going out with Elen Rives. Not only does she look a bit like a man, but she’s Spanish and old.  

David Beckham

Thick ‘n’ Thin have eeked out an incredible career for themselves considering neither one of them has a great deal of talent. Everything comes at a cost though, and poor David’s been waking up to this for the past 10 years.