The stereotype of footballers is that they are thick as sh*t, an image not helped by the seemingly continuous stream of verbal cack that they spew forth. Here is a small collection of some of the more infamous football clangers. I'm sure there are a veritable glut of ridiculous remarks missing from the list, so if there are any glaring omissions, please feel free to add them in at the bottom of the article.
"My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7"
David Beckham
"Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
"I think it's fifty - fifty"
Terry Venables to Jimmy Hill
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league"
Mark Viduka
"It was the perfect penalty - apart from he missed it"
Glenn Hoddle
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day"
Neville Southall
"And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds"
Peter Jones
"In Manchester you are either Blue or Red... there's no two ways about it"
Andy Gray
"Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins"
Brian Moore
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable"
Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well"
Alan Shearer
"The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did"
Barry Davies
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona"
Mark Draper
"We are playing sexy football - in fact it is an orgy of football - the other team know they are going to get it, but they don't know when or where from"
Sam Hammam
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out"
Peter Shilton
"There is only one word to describe football and that is 'if only'"
Bobby Robson
"Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?"
"You have to finish above everyone to win the league, Richard"
Roy Evans to Richard Keys
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester"
Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham .. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing"
Ade Akinbiyi
"The offside flag went up immediately, if not before"
Graeme LeSaux
"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different"
Trevor Brooking
"Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead"
Tom Ferrie
"And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley...unless somebody knocks us out"
Dave Bassett
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier"
Ugo Ehiogu
"If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
Bryan Robson
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on"
John Lambie (Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was)
"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough"
Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
Stuart Pearce
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer"
Ian Darke
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right"
Lee Hendrie
"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today"
Steve Lomas
"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday"
(Radio 5 Live)
"I don't believe in luck... but I do believe you need it"
Alan Ball
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock"
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet"
David Beckham
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football?"
Stuart Hall
"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio"
Gerry Francis
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European"
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed"
Mitchell Thomas
"Football today, it's like a game of chess - It's all about money"
(Newcastle Utd fan, Radio 5 Live)
"Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence"
NY Cosmos executive, on Beckenbauer's positioning
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest just squandered"
George Best
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best"
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd"
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals"
Thierry Henry
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area, for goalies is between their legs"
Andy Gray
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country"
Ian Rush
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"
David Beckham
"If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers"
Mick Lyons
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
Chris Turner (Peterborough manager, before a League Cup Quarter Final)
"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen"
Terry Venables
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head"
Derek Johnstone
"In terms of the Richter scale this defeat was a force eight gale"
David Pleat
"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper"
Kevin Keegan