Penguin chocolate bars each come with a pun-tastic joke about, well, penguins.
What does a mother penguin say to her children when they go out at night? Beak careful.
Where does a penguin go to the toilet? The igloo.
And in homage to the snack that has helped make England the floating fat farm that it is today, everything below will be tenuously linked to the letter P.
Porto's Aly Cissokho will be getting his questionable teeth around frogs' legs and snails rather than forkfuls of pasta next year after Lyon chucked €15m into the Dragons' piggy bank.
He'll hook up with fellow ex-Porto player Lisandro Lopez, who cost the French side €24m, but not with Lucho Gonzalez, who has gone to Marseille for €18m.
All of these dealings have made Porto's piggy bank considerbly plumper, but as it their wont they haven't been piddling it all over the place like potty bastards. Instead they've paid €3.9m for River Plate striker Radamel Falcao and his impressive record of 45 goals in 110 games.
They've also pilfered midfielder Diego Valeri from Argentinian side Club Atlético Lanús, possibly on loan, although no one is really 100% sure.
Another possibly peppery Argentinian through the door is Olympiakos' midfielder Fernando Belluschi. Porto paid €5m for half of his playing rights, and Belluschi's agent keeps the other half. God knows how that works, but knowing agents and Portuguese football it probably involves stacks of unmarked bills and a Brazilian prostitute.
Belluschi said: "I'll give my best to help the club," and he did just that, scoring on his debut as Porto panned Leixões 3-1.
As for Sporting, they're having a shocking pre-season, having already lost to Nottingham Forest and Feyenord.
Plus, they've still got Miguel Veloso on their hands, although Aston Villa is now the most touted destination for the wannabe hair bear bunch member.
Benfica on the other hand have just p-p-p-picked up the Guadiana Trophy by beating newly promoted Olhanense 2-1.
Their new signing Javier Saviola helped them win the trophy by bagging two in the previous round against Atletico Bilbao, which might sound impressive, but then Bilbao have a policy of only signing players native to the Basque provinces, meaning they're total crap and have every right to be beaten by a team that signs players from anywhere in the world.
Last and certainly least, after having a bloody dreadful season at the Stadium of Light in 2008/09, ex-Benfica player José Antonio Reyes is currently floating somewhere between Madrid and Lisbon, waiting for a plane either to knock him into the sea or shred him in its propellors.