“I just wanted to say, I really like your car.”
“Thanks, it’s a pretty good car. But come on, yours is much better.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s was the fastest car in Europe last season and it won every race by a mile. Mine’s nowhere near as good. Its engine’s temperamental, it doesn’t drive well abroad and it won’t start in the cold weather.”
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you my car plus £40m for your car.”
“You must be joking. Why would you do that?”
“I’m serious.”
“What, really?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok then, I'd be an idiot not to do that”
Sometimes events defy logic. The transfer of Inter Milan’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic to Barcelona for a fee of around £40m plus Samuel Eto’o is one such example.
On the one hand there’s a player who was top goalscorer for Europe’s best team last season. A player who worked tirelessly as part of the three-pronged attack that was not only Europe’s most potent but also the first line of defence in contemporary football’s incarnation of Total Football.
On the other hand there is a player who was has consistently proven in both international and continental football that when it comes to big games he loses his nerve like a 13-year-old in Middlesbrough loses their virginity.
In fairness to Ibrahimovic he has been consistently good domestically, and not only against the lower and mid-ranking teams. His goals and link-up play have been integral to Inter’s domination in the past few years, although those not familiar with Serie A may, quite justifiably, find that hard to believe.
In the past seven years Ibrahimovic has won the domestic title with every team he has played for. Starting with Ajax from 2002-2004, then at Juventus from 2004-2006 (subsequently rescinded) and finally with Inter from 2006-2009.
It is, however, his aversion to the thrust of European football that makes him less than suitable for Jose Mourinho’s grand designs. The Portuguese manager’s remit is to bring European trophies, so long lacking, to Inter’s cabinet, and in Eto’o he now has a striker with proven continental pedigree.
With three Champions League winners medals to his name (one admittedly as an unused squad member with Real Madrid) he certainly fits the bill. Although temperamental, Eto’o is one of Europe’s most clinical finishers and his work ethic in harrying defenders and chasing lost causes makes him the ideal type of player for Mourinho.
Conversely, it is difficult to see what Ibrahimovic will bring to Barcelona that they don’t already have. Although the more languid nature of La Liga and the fact that players are given more time on the ball will suit his game, the old adage of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” does spring to mind.
Barcelona were revolutionary last season and although he will bring creative spark, bringing others into play more than Eto’o did, that will almost certainly be in exchange for a lack of goals – perhaps something Barcelona can afford to spare.
Whether Josep Guardiola envisions a shift in Barca’s style to offset the likelihood that teams will learn how to play against them, remains to be seen. Nonetheless, if you’re looking for a good price for your car, forget about the government scrappage scheme, a road-trip to Catalonia is a far better bet.