The anxious period of anticipation that some know as summer has finally segued into the new season and already there are talking points galore.
There are new managers, new players, new stadiums and new members of the football league, but some things never change. Ferguson is still moaning, (it’s the goddamn Community Shield, remember your blood pressure) Barton is still fighting anyone who comes within range, Bellamy is acting like a prick, there are still people out there willing to part with vast quantities of money for Peter Crouch and Newcastle United are still a “joke”.
Don’t take my word for that last bit, that is the term used by none other than local lad and Geordie stalwart Steven Taylor. Call me hopelessly naive, but I really believed that it couldn’t get much worse for Newcastle and that they would use this summer to rebuild themselves.
I envisaged Ashley installing Alan Shearer on a permanent basis and then selling the club. I thought Super-Al would have a thorough clear out and mould the squad into an effective one that would be contending at the top of the Championship. Hahaha, this is Newcastle we’re talking about though, where nothing is straight forward and logic is a dirty word.
The portly figure of Mike Ashley still looms over Tyneside, Shearer is in limbo, no new manager is in place and no new players have been brought, whilst the vultures have poached any ‘stars’ worth salvaging. To make things worse, the day Shearer puts himself out on a limb and declares that he would still be interested in taking up the reins at St.James’s, reports emerge from the north that Ashley is reconsidering staying for the umpteenth time and is on the verge of bringing back arch excuse-monger David O’Leary from a 3 year management exile.
There is a reason why O’Leary never gets linked to jobs and has been out in the wilderness for so long. He’s shit. TV stations don’t even want him as a pundit and when you consider the likes of Paul Merson and Chris Kamara get regular TV time, that is saying something.
Joey Barton is reportedly up to his old tricks and had a training ground bust up with Fabricio Coloccini and Jonas Gutierrez (my first instinct was that after a meaty tackle, Barton made some Falklands jibe, but on second thoughts, he’s probably never heard of them) and then rowed with Chris Hughton. Either way, he was benched for Newcastle’s first game of the season, a 1-1 draw away to fellow Premiership dropouts West Brom, now coached by Roberto DiMatteo. Damien Duff’s right foot strike for the Magpies equalised Shelton Martis’s scrambled effort for the hosts.
The jaw dropping shock from League 1 was undoubtedly Norwich’s complete capitulation in their disastrous 1-7 home routing against local rivals Colchester. I talked about Newcastle’s fall from grace, but this is on another plateau entirely – the Canaries finished 3rd in the inaugural Premiership campaign and then famously went on to become the only English side to defeat Bayern Munich in their own backyard in the following season's UEFA cup. They were in the top flight as recently as 2004-5, when they beat the likes of Man Utd at Carrow Road before ultimately succumbing to relegation.
The loss was the worst Norwich have suffered on their own patch in their 107 year history and to rub salt into the wounds, it was Kevin Lisbie, on loan from local rivals Ipswich who started the destruction. They were 5-0 down before the half time whistle and a gormless looking shell shocked Bryan Gunn could only blink myopically through his thick black glasses as two incredulous fans that ran onto the pitch ripping up their season tickets had to be restrained.
Incidentally, the father and son duo jumped the hoarding from the Barclay and Thorpe corner after the 4th goal crashed in during the 22nd minute. According to the club website, a season ticket for that section would set you back £415, so they just coughed up £18.86 per minute. Almost Chelsea prices.
Unsurprisingly, Delia Smith opted not to leap onto the pitch and deliver one of her classic “let’s be having you” pep talks. One man who should go to Delia’s kitchen and smear eggs all over his face is debutant Grant Holt, who boasted in his pre-match comments that Norwich rather than Leeds should be the bookmakers’ favourites to win the league!
After presiding over their relegation following the departure of the inept Glenn Roeder, Bryan Gunn will already be feeling the pressure, especially as there were calls during the summer for ex-Canary hero Mark Robins to be appointed. One of the 92-93 regulars, Robins has impressed many during his stint with Rotherham, where last season he overcame a heavy point’s deficit to keep them in the football league whilst taking 4 major scalps from higher divisions in the cup competitions.
Go on, admit it, if you don’t follow a different team from the fourth tier, the first scoreline you looked for when you checked the League 2 results was the Notts County one wasn’t it? One of the most intriguing developments of the summer was the appointment of Sven Goran Eriksson as director of football at Meadow Lane. A mysterious Middle Eastern consortium was apparently attracted by Notts County’s pedigree as the world’s oldest professional club and fancied a long-term project. They should have gone the whole hog and bought the world’s oldest club, Sheffield FC and tried to guide them through the 7 promotions that it would take to get them to the Premiership from the Northern Premier League Division One South.
Anyway, back to Notts County and a new look side wiped the floor with Bradford, thumping them 5-0, debutant Lee Hughes helping himself to a hat-trick. Hughes, who burst onto the scene during the 97-98 season with 31 league goals for his beloved West Brom (often followed by a dubious arm waggling celebration that resembled an epileptic fit) seemed to have spectacularly sabotaged his career when he was involved in a fatal drink driving crash that ended another man’s life and seriously injured another.
However, following 3 years of imprisonment at her Majesties pleasure and a conversion to Islam, Hughes is back and after a successful spell with Oldham is one of the big signings to spearhead the ‘Svenalution’. He certainly had a better debut than Grant Holt.
I feel a bit sorry for County boss Ian McParland who seems to be on a bit of a hiding to nothing. All the headlines talked about Sven inspired romps (no puns intended) but you know who’ll be in line for the chop the moment things start to nosedive.
Finally, Sunday saw the annual curtain raiser that is the Community Shield, contested by the usual suspects Man Utd and Chelsea. First blood then goes to Carlo Ancelotti after a victory on penalties, and Fergie is already fuming about refereeing decisions, yawn.
Both Ferguson and Ancelotti have stated to the press that their chequebooks are closed, but I strongly suspect that they are both talking bollocks in a vain attempt to drive down prices following the Real Madrid/Man City inspired deluge of dough that rained down onto the football world earlier this summer. I have a sneaking suspicion that a little bit of transfer brinkmanship will be played and that come August 31st, either club could be frantically ushering in a big name signing.
I’m not particularly surprised that Chelsea have been quiet in the market though. There was paper talk that they would be lavishly spending along the lines of Man City and Real Madrid, but after the noises about self sufficiency from Abramovich’s camp following the credit crunch last year, I thought frenzied headlines about Aguero, Pato and Ribery splurges were somewhat fanciful.
So, onto the oddly timed mid week international fixtures that has got a whole host of bosses carping and kvetching. I see that Craig Bellamy, already a forgotten fifth choice at Man City following a top-heavy influx at Eastlands no-showed the national team he’s supposed to be captaining amid reports that he’s injured again. Haha, as I said some things never change!