Arles and Avignon are each famous for one thing: Vincent Van Gogh and a song about a bridge respectively. By next spring, both places will have another more dubious honour – they will have given their names to the team with the worst ever record in top-flight French football.
That’s quite a sweeping statement to make in early October, but believe it. As the weeks wear on and A-A pleads for a point, any point, to make the pain go away, it’s becoming clear that the team that finally loses to them will be the laughing stock of French football. In the Tour De France, finishing last brings lucrative sponsorship deals. In Ligue 1, it means an unceremonious thrust back among the oik classes of Ligue 2.
It’s not all Arles-Avignon’s fault, though. Expectations of their first ever season in the top flight were ridiculously high following their canter to promotion. For a team that only moved to their current home in 2010, the rise and coming fall has been lightning-quick. And it’s not like they’ve played woefully – they’ve had bad luck, comedy defending and more bad luck – but on Saturday against Auxerre, we saw a combination of all three that proves Lady Luck was more of a Monet lover.
The sirens wailed after just 18 minutes in Avignon as Vincent Plante, the Arles ‘keeper who’s kept out at least three times as many goals as he’s conceded this season, made a brilliant save from Benoit Pedretti only to find the rebound at the feet of Alain Traore, who almost took the ball out of play before touching home from the most wafer-thin of angles. Things went from bad to worse as a deflection beat Plante from a later Pedretti shot.
It was Faruk Hadzibegic’s first game in charge since replacing Michel Estevan, and the Arles coach had the unenviable task of rousing a team without a prayer who were losing 2-0 at half time. It wasn’t the best performance, because Auxerre added two more – Roy Coutout lobbed Plante with a header from the edge of the area before the goalie blotted a proud performance by letting Valter Birsa tickle a late shot inside his right hand post.
Arles will soon be attracting fans for all the wrong reasons – rubber-necking at the unfolding disaster no doubt. Their own fans have seen enough to know hope is a waste of time, and the team exited to a round of jeers after the new capitulation. Incredibly, it was Auxerre’s first league win, so maybe Arles have found their calling – football therapists: they’ll solve your problems in 90 minutes. Shame they couldn’t do it for Vince.
Rennes will probably attract spectators for dubious reasons too if Salma Hayek keeps turning up in Brittany. A fan since she dated the owner way back when, hopefully she was there when her beloveds finally reached the top of the football tree. For Rennes have now overtaken Saint-Etienne after a 3-1 win over Toulouse, which was more comprehensive than it sounds.
Roman Danze kicked things off with a meaty lash just before the break, after which a glance off the head of Mangane and a tap-in from Sylvain Marveaux sealed the points for the Bretons before Toulouse had time to even consider a reply. They did reply, but Salma had probably left along with the Toulouse fans who had fled for the exits.
That win placed Rennes a slim point ahead of Saint-Etienne, who didn’t exactly run out of steam against Marseille but out of patience with the officials. After a cleared hack from defence pin-balled off the ref, it fell to L’OM’s Lucho, who chipped the ball delightfully into the run of Andre-Pierre Gignac, who was so onside he had time to eat a meat pie before ASSE’s defence realised.
His Marseille duck broken, he then stomped off beating his chest, which was wrapped in two-tone blue tartan for the trip to the Massif Central. Saint-Etienne did respond and squared the match through Laurence Battles, and the crowd probably went home satisfied, not least because Gignac managed to keep his top on.
The rest of the weekend was low scoring, except at Nancy and Sochaux. At the former, fallen champs Lyon took a two-goal lead before deciding they just wanted to be friends, and handed two very poor goals to their hosts. Hero of the night was Jimmy Briand, who scored twice including the winner, when the ball fell to him and his toe reached the ball first through a melee at the edge of the Nancy area.
Sochaux have made the top half their home. The men from the Peugeot garage may have stuttered last week but a terrific larrup from Madibo Maiga and two pretty fortunate follow-ups made their victory over a hapless Lens as easy as, well, buying a Peugeot. Providing they’ve got the money. Which they will have if they qualify for the Europa League. Do you see?
Goal of the season came early this time when Bordeaux’s Mikael Ciani latched onto a loose throw from Lorient’s Cedric Carrasso, Goliathed his way through midfield and lobbed the bloke from about forty metres out. It swerved excellently in the air as well. It was the highlight of an average game and means Bordeaux now have three wins, much to Jean Tigana’s obvious relief.
Monaco have steadily got worse as the season’s opened out and were the architects of a home defeat to Brest – Bruno Grougi found himself in acres of space, spannered the ball and saw it squeeze madly underneath the Monaco keeper to give his side a 1-0. And Valenciennes dusted Caen for their early-season impertinence and won 2-1 at home fairly comfortably.
It’s Arles-Avignon, then, that dominate the weekend for all the wrong reasons. It’s not so bad – Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime. But that’s still one more thing than his adopted town’s team have got, and doubtless it’ll send them mad before too long.